Read how to sell a gazillion ebooks in no time by Russell Blake Online


How To Sell A Gazillion eBooks In No Time (Even if Drunk, High or Incarcerated) is a parody of all things related to writing, self-publishing and self-promotion. Featuring 59 Writer’s Tips running the gamut from selecting a blockbuster title to creating compelling narrative and dialog, Russell’s relentlessly evil humor mocks everything sacred to the writing profession. DesHow To Sell A Gazillion eBooks In No Time (Even if Drunk, High or Incarcerated) is a parody of all things related to writing, self-publishing and self-promotion. Featuring 59 Writer’s Tips running the gamut from selecting a blockbuster title to creating compelling narrative and dialog, Russell’s relentlessly evil humor mocks everything sacred to the writing profession. Described as “…the literary equivalent of Ebola” and “vicious, demented, reprehensible brain poison,” Blake’s book is sweeping the publishing industry and garnering rave reviews. A must buy for authors, friends of authors, and readers everywhere.”How to Sell a Gazillion eBooks In a Year is by far the most important book ever written on any topic, although I exclude the Bible since the Bible wasn’t exactly written in the way we mean the word “written.” But other than that, Gazillion does it all. For everyone. A can’t miss, sure fire Gazillion hit-a-thon from the master of them all.”- John Lescroart, NY Times bestselling author of over 20 novels, including The Vig, The 13th Juror, Treasure Hunt, Damage, Second Chair and a host of others“…a joyously vicious satire and parody that makes sport of John Locke, and indeed of the whole brave new world of self–publishing and self–promotion. If you don’t find Mr. Blake outrageous, and indeed offensive, you would seem to be missing the point. And the same thing goes if you only find him outrageous and offensive.”- Lawrence Block, bestselling author of Telling Lies For Fun & Profit, The Liar’s Bible, A Drop Of The Hard Stuff, and Getting Off“Anybody who’s ever read a self-help book will appreciate the cynical humor from the nimble mind of Russell Blake in this parody. Piercing sarcasm, the ability to turn a phrase into a missile and an impressive vocabulary (he makes up words if he doesn’t know an appropriate one – I’ve asked him, but still don’t know what a Gazillion is) combine into a book that is alternately rant, grovel, trash-talk and Bizarro-world counsel. Irreverent fun.”– David Lender, author of Trojan Horse, The Gravy Train and Bull Street+++A Q & A for How To Sell A Gazillion with bestselling author Russell Blake Question: Gazillions mocks everyone and everything, including icons like John Locke. Are you trying to be the most hated writer alive? Russell Blake: Fair question. First off, this wasn't a jab at Locke. It was a jab at everyone. I wanted to write something that called BS and mocked the entire notion that it was easy or fun being a self-published author. There's just this hushed sort of reverence when certain names are mentioned, I thought it would be very funny to lampoon both the self-help books themselves, as well as our entire attitude about self-publishing and being authors. I think the result worked - I was laughing as I wrote most of it, and I still laugh when I go back and read it, although admittedly alcohol is often involved.. Q: Who is the book written for?RB: Honestly, it was mainly written for me, and a small circle of friends with really twisted senses of humor. Nothing's sacred in that crowd, which is the basis of most of the humor in the book. That, and there are a lot of jabs at bad writing, of which, unfortunately, there's no dearth.Q: What would you tell readers delving into it? RB: Mainly that there are no sacred cows, or rather, that there shouldn't be. Writing should be fun, and joyful, and done for the sake of creating something worth reading....

Title : how to sell a gazillion ebooks in no time
Author :
Rating :
ISBN : 12153117
Format Type : Kindle Edition
Number of Pages : 199 Pages
Status : Available For Download
Last checked : 21 Minutes ago!

how to sell a gazillion ebooks in no time Reviews

  • Lilo
    2019-04-17 00:06

    HIGHLY RECOMMENDED FOR FANS OF SATIRE -- MUST-READ FOR SELF-PUBLISHING AUTHORSThis book is a biting satire about the publishing industry.When I started reading it, I shrieked so loud laughing that my husband came running a few times. He thought I had slipped and fallen in the bathroom. And I shrieked so often that I eventually became afraid that if I really slipped and fell in the bathroom, my husband would no longer pay attention and I would be left lying like the actors in the ads featuring alarm devices for elderly people.Anyone who has ever purchased a "How-To" or "Self-Help-Book" will find him- or herself portrayed. Same goes for book-lovers who tend to buy the latest bestsellers.This book is definitely a fun read, and this alone would be reason enough to spend the mere $ 2.99 that it sells for.However, this book is not only highly entertaining, it is also a must-read for authors, especially self-publishing authors. It provides insights into the publishing industry you would not easily gain elsewhere.One caveat: In case you are squeamish about graphic expressions and foul language, you might want to make an appointment with your priest for going to confession before downloading this book. The author does not shy away from explicit suggestions to sex either. So if you are holier than holy, you might even take offense.Anyone who can take the rough language the vast majority of citizens of this Great Country uses, don't waste any time. Go and download this book.P.S. Did the author sell a gazillion of eBooks himself? I don't know. But he surely deserves to."

  • Karl Wiggins
    2019-03-27 22:53

    Brilliantly insincere - I loved it!Hahahaha, Russell Blake is brutally insincere with all the scruples of a hungry pride of lions. I loved it! People reviewing my own books either `get' me or don't, and I often suspect those who don't are affronted because they can see themselves in the writing. Blake is the same. He is an absolute piss taker who I suspect bases his own role model on the likes of Tony Robbins, Ziggy Ziglar and Pete Doherty.HOWEVER, there is no doubt that if you were following Russell's advice to the letter you would certainly sell a gazillion e-books ..... possibly more.I'm also given to understand that it was Blake's father who wrote the best-seller `How to Pick up More Girls' in the early seventies, so he comes with good credibility. This is a MUST BUY for all self-published authors, writers, scribblers, bloggers, song-writers and spin-doctors alike.

  • Mari Stroud
    2019-04-01 17:43

    I laughed so hard I threw myself into a coughing fit several times. Admittedly, this is not difficult in my current state of health, but Blake has still written a hysterically funny satire on the glut of self-publishing how-tos blooding the internet over the past couple of years. I caught John Locke (even funnier now that he's revealed himself to be a fraud who buys reviews), JA Konrath (not a fraud, but sometimes a bit of an acquired taste), and a few others that I'm not going to name because they're obsessive self-Googlers and I honestly do not need to deal with their shit right now. (The chapter mocking existentialists and anyone else who stands behind half-understood jargon as a substitute for argument had me wheezing so hard that I now have a brand-new set of abs, however. Do you know how long it's been since I had abs? Since never.)What I enjoyed most about the book, though, is that it's satire in the truest sense: Blake is making fun of certain behaviors because he knows these people are capable of better. He's snarky as hell, but never trips over the line into the mean or personal, and there is a lot of genuinely good writing advice buried under the pigtail-pulling.And, I have to stress this again, he mocks existentialists. Everyone should mock existentialists, all the time.

  • Marsha Cornelius
    2019-04-24 02:02

    Can I get a Sixth Star??Russell Blake usually writes thrillers, so this book is a hilarious departure for him. And I couldn't stop laughing. Even if you aren't an author, you'll get a big kick out of this tongue-in-cheek 'how-to' manual. (Obviously, Blake has perused some of these get-rich-quick manifestos, because he doesn't miss a trick.) I particularly enjoyed his advice to get a celebrity to endorse your book. Sure, piece of cake. I've got calls out to Tom Cruise and Angelina Jolie as we speak.All I can say is, READ THIS BOOK.

  • Tasha Turner
    2019-04-19 22:52

    Hysterical read. While it is a spoof on many self-publishing books on the market his examples illustrate what not to do better than many real books I've seen. Anyone who reads this and thinks he is recommending following any of the advice he is giving has missed the point of the book. He is no more seriously suggesting plagiarism then he is dating a celeb to sell your book or buy book reviews... The book is a spoof. A well done one.

  • Wright Forbucks
    2019-04-16 02:10

    A must read for self-published authors. Best to read 2-3 months after you post your first book on Amazon Kindle after you realize you are not going to become rich by having 0.0000000001% of the world's Internet users download your ebook for ninety-nine cents. Very funny stuff. Lots of not-so-hidden truths lie within the humor of A GAZLILLION eBOOKS. If you're a aspiring writer, make sure you add this book to your Kindle Library.

  • K.a.mcdicken
    2019-04-22 21:46

    Very funny parody on 'How to.." books in general & how to market novels in particular. Coming so soon after John Locke's "How To.." puts it very much in context.

  • Kath McDicken
    2019-03-28 23:51

    Hilarious take-off of John Locke's "How to.." but a much easier read. Try not to read it in public. You'll find yourself breaking into uncontrollable laughter. People will think you're nuts!

  • The
    2019-04-06 23:11

    Amusing and probably more accurate than the usual how to booksThis was very amusing. Even if you haven't read any self- publishing guides or indeed any self-help stuff it is still a very funny read. If you have read any of those types of books it does a very good job of parodying them and they certainly need that.I laughed out loud on a few occasions and having read a few writing and self publishing guides I recognised a lot of the behaviours that it was making fun of. I expect that this book probably comes much closer to explaining the sudden success of some authors than their own claims do.I was wary of the book at first as its title is "How To Sell A Gazillion eBooks In No Time (Even if Drunk, High or Incarcerated). As I am Drunk, high AND incarcerated I thought that I might have to wait for the sequel.However I am happy to report that this book is responsible for me unleashing my writing talents on the world.Look out for my stunning self development opus " The seven habits of the lazy man's guide to awakening the giant within whilst facing fears of making chicken soup for the soul."I have noticed that there is a dearth in the market of crime novels featuring a maverick cop who doesn't obey the rules and gets the job done and whose bosses never trust him despite him regularly solving innumerable "unsolvable crimes" in hardly any time, virtually always on his own and with minimal resources.Maybe to add depth to the character I will portray him as being psychologically scared from the Cod war and unable to walk into a branch of Iceland's without suffering from flashbacks.

  • J.L. Beaufort
    2019-04-14 01:09

    When man first emerged from the stinking cesspool in a grimy green film and began the long walk to bipedalism, leaving the apes behind to sit upon stones...Wait, wrong title.Have you ever purchased a book that promised wealth, fame and success by following "these 10 simple steps"? Are you an author trying to make it in self publishing/epublishing? This book should be on your shelf or inside your reader. Russell Blake has distilled the vinegar from all those how-to books and packaged it in a hilarious parody of the genre, "How To Sell A Gazillion eBooks In No Time (even if drunk, high or incarcerated). A brilliant writer in the real world, Mr. Blake has brought his slightly strange sense of humor and penetrating intelligence to bear upon such topics as how to write a best seller, from rough draft to final edit, how to get it published and, of course, how to spend all the money. Along the way he also shares his thoughts on giving the perfect interview, selling your story idea to Hollywood and exactly how to behave as a successful author.If you've tried the self publishing game and emerged from the other end disappointed, this book is for you.If you're sick and tired of signing up for some get-rich scheme that never comes through, this book is for you.If you just like a good laugh over some intelligent humor and a glass of wine, this book is for you.No matter who you are, if you've got $2.99, then this book is for you.

  • David Wailing
    2019-03-26 18:59

    This is basically a spoof version of all the how-to-make-money-selling-ebooks claims that we all see every day. There are a lot of spot-on observations about the ridiculous claims they make, suggesting that the authors of such books rate themselves so highly they have a god complex. The most entertaining sections for me were some witty inversions of what is actually good practice for authors... such as tips on how to expand sentences until they last forever, or have a mysterious character walk in and explain the plot when you get stuck!Although very amusing, especially to those of us who are ebook-savvy, it goes on too long. This would have worked twice as well if it had been half as long, or even a quarter as long. Even before I got to the halfway point, I was skim-reading, knowing that I would be reading something in exactly the same style as what I'd already read.One disturbing point is that there's some tips on how to make a fortune by just copying and pasting text from websites, whacking it together into a how-to ebook and selling it. Although this is clearly comedy, it also happens a great deal, and it worries me that some people might read this book and completely miss the fact that it's satirical!Definitely worth reading inbetween proper ebooks, but you may not get all the way to the end.

  • Kim Cano
    2019-03-28 17:58

    If you're an author who needs a break from marketing activities and wants to laugh uncontrollably, get this book. Don't expect self help tips and "you can do it" type Tony Robbins fare. Instead, Russell is the Marquis de Sade, backhanding his readers upside the face with his pinky ring. And instead of getting upset about it, you find yourself laughing even more.

  • Yoon
    2019-04-04 21:48

    Hilarious. Hysterical. Mr. Blake is one sick dude. Highly recommended. Now I might have to read John Locke's How to book just to see how "normal" people write about the same subject.

  • Fred Forbes
    2019-04-12 00:49

    I often chase down a book mentioned by the Wall St. Journal from a business standpoint as it piques my interest. That was how I first found "Wool" which was well done and a phenomena since it came out in self published e-book form first, later released as a hardback and trade paperback once it became an e-book smash. Well, according to WSJ Russell Blake does sell a gazillion ebooks and his output is amazing and supposedly James Patterson has asked him to co-write one of his stories. (Although I tend to disdain that practice and avoid those books by Patterson, Clancy, etc.) So I decided to download one of his thrillers and will get to it shortly but this one sounded interesting as well.One of the funniest satirical pieces I have read in a long time! Great for readers and a must for those into self publishing. Really, as far as the writing tips go, a manual of what not to do but as far as the marketing and attitude tips, a real panic.

  • Alex
    2019-04-20 19:49

    A funny quick read but also a little bit of a one-trick pony. The author did an excellent job tearing apart the whole "get rich quick" self-help genre which is my guilty pleasure. The major problem was that he just kept essentially repeating the same jokes long after they had become funny. The repetitiveness added to the meta-humor of the book but it also made it tiresome to read at points.

  • Jacqueline Hopkins
    2019-04-09 21:45

    This is the kind of book my father would have written if he were still alive. Great spoof on what not to do as an independent author; written better than some out there that were written in all seriousness.

  • S.E. Nelson
    2019-03-27 23:48

    I have read this book twice just for laughs. I love it. Thanks to the author for injecting some humor in an otherwise ruthless business. That said, I took away two things that I will use for my books. I recommend this book for authors who don't want this business to consume them.

  • P.M. Bradshaw
    2019-03-30 23:41

    The author definitely knows the ins & outs of writing and publishing. His "advice" and How-To's are similar to Ben Stein's How To Ruin Your Life series of books, i.e. you should do the OPPOSITE of what he says. Mr. Blake is funny, but it's a one-joke book, and no matter how good that joke may be, no joke is that funny when it's book-length and repeated over and over (and over) again. Funny at first, but not for the long haul.

  • Celia Conrad
    2019-04-25 23:09

    I bought this book at the recommendation of a friend who loved this book and rated it 5*. It is satirical and it might make you laugh or maybe not depending on your view. Personally I didn't enjoy it which just goes to show how subjective all of this is as what one person likes someone else might not like at all!

  • Marie Solka
    2019-04-16 21:47

    Flat out hysterical! This parody is evil, black humor that mocks authors and the get rich publishing mentality at every turn. Just the "look inside" will have you falling out of your chair howling with laughter.I liked it so much I read it twice.

  • Bryan
    2019-04-26 23:52

    This book definitely had its funny parts, some very hilarious, but I found myself scanning large dry sections. Could have been shorter, and I would have been happier.

  • Catrina Barton
    2019-04-08 17:56

    Not much besides humorous tricks and tips in here.